Coping with Grief this Holiday Season

The holidays can be difficult for those who suffer the loss or impending loss of a loved one.  Last year a member of my family died, and this year another member of my family, who lives over 2,000 miles away, is in the process of dying.

In Ecclesiastes 3:1 we read “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”  Many Christians who are in the midst of the grieving process will cling to this and other Biblical passages throughout the upcoming holidays. Ecclesiastes 3 helps us to understand intellectually that God has a purpose for everything, even when it involves ushering a loved one home to spend eternity with Him.  However, our hearts may feel very heavy when we are frequently reminded that our loved ones will not be here to celebrate this forthcoming Thanksgiving or Christmas with us. 

As you know, memories from our past can be, at times, unpredictable and unsettling.  Something as simple as hearing a certain Christmas song or catching a whiff of cinnamon apple potpourri can cause a memory of past holidays shared with our departed loved one.  Some people who have recently suffered a loss may find it useful to turn inward and venture out as little as possible during the holiday months.  Others may seem to escape their emotional pain by forcing themselves to attend as many holiday gatherings as possible.  By continually keeping socially active, they seek to evade the pain of celebrating the holidays without their loved one.

If you are facing your first holiday season without your loved one, be mindful of what you are feeling.  Don’t allow yourself to feel pressured to do things that seem unnatural to you.  Conversely, don’t cloister yourself away from people, venturing outdoors only to buy basic necessities.  Rather, allow alone time with God where you can fellowship with Him and pray.  In Luke 5:16 we see how often Jesus did just that. 

Spending time alone with God helps us to focus on what He has designed for us on any given day.  God knows what you need and by reading His word and praying, He can guide you.   Be thankful for the strength that God is giving to you now to help sustain you through your grief.  At times you may feel alone, but you must remember that God is walking through this grieving process with you.   To help you work through the process of thanksgiving and praise, please visit http://www.intouch.org/you/thanksgiving-and-praise

Next, seek out friends that are supportive.  Be also open to invitations from your church friends to community holiday events.  For example, decide if you would rather attend a church social event at a restaurant rather than one given at a church member’s home.  The latter will seem more warm and intimate, and you needn't feel intimated by that.  In fact, placing yourself in such an environment may be just what you need right now.  If, however, you feel that you require some space, a social gathering at a restaurant may be more to your liking.  What’s most important is that you pay attention to your feelings, rather than worrying about accepting all of the invitations that may be extended to you. 

If you don’t have a church home, visit a Bible-based church in your community.  Don’t close yourself off from social contact, just because you aren’t yet a member of any church. Many church families are just waiting for your visit.  If you feel like reaching out and becoming involved in an activity like helping to feed the homeless for the holidays or Operation Christmas Child http://www.samaritanspurse.org/what-we-do/operation-christmas-child/  by all means do so.   You can elect to become involved in these activities through many churches, or you can visit the Operation Christmas Child website and become involved online.

As it is written in the 2 Corinthians 9:7  “Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”  Whether you are giving money, your time and/or your God-given gifts, know that you are making a positive difference in the lives of others.  As you become involved in these outreach programs, pray that God will use your participation to bless the recipients.

Don’t be shy about asking your pastor and Christian friends to pray for you, as well.   Keep in mind that churches often offer helpful resources to help you through the grieving process. You can find out about these resources, plus church prayer chains by inquiring at your local church.   If you prefer, written prayer requests can be submitted to In Touch Ministries.  For details, please visit http://www.intouch.org/prayer-request-form  Keep the following verse close by, and read it when you are feeling sad or lonely.  “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

If you are a parent who is trying to help your child cope with the loss of a loved one, you may want to borrow a library copy of When Your Children Hurt by Dr. Charles Stanley.   You may also find the article http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/your-childs-emotions/how-to-help-your-child-grieve/how-to-help-your-child-grieve   How to Help Your Child Grieve by Candy Arrington to be very helpful.  

Finally, my prayer for you is that you will indeed feel God’s presence as you receive His strength throughout this holiday season.  Allow the peace of God to sustain you now and in the year to come.

Please note:  This post is not meant to be used to counsel people.  I am not a counselor.   My only hope is that some or all of the information contained herein will be helpful to others who are currently going through the same process.

Blessings in Christ,

Heidi